Idiotic Complaints to Travel Agents (They walk among us)

“We could not enjoy the tour as our guide was too ugly. You can’t be expected to admire a beautiful view when you’re staring at a face like his.”

“The beach had too many fat people. It was gross.”

A man claimed that he was no longer able to perform sexually after a chambermaid walked in on his love making and “giggled at his size” before leaving the room.

“The animals at the zoo looked very sad and it made our children cry. Can’t they train them to smile?”

“The street signs weren’t in English. I don’t understand how anyone can get around.”

“There was no sign telling you that you shouldn’t get on the hot air balloon ride if you’re afraid of heights.”

“The local women were too beautiful; it made me feel bad about myself.”

A man sent a complaint to Disneyworld claiming that it was “too touristy”.

“I spent a whole week on safari, and didn’t see any good animals. There was only a load of antelopes.”

“You said the town was next to a volcano, but we went and there was no lava. I’m pretty sure it was just a mountain.”

A man who took a summer cruise around Alaska complained about the weather not being as warm as he expected.

A woman on a Celebrity Cruises ship asked for a full refund because she didn't see any celebrities on board and said the company was guilty of "false advertising" due to the lack of stars.

A lady on a Mediterranean cruise said the sea was too loud and suggested the cabins be "better sound-proofed against the sounds of the sea."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"No one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"The beach was too sandy."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England - it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."